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Stuff on life ¶

Posted on Nov 1, 2021

There are probably many benefits in having a midlife crisis; right now I am focusing on one: the crisis ends.

After reaching my forties I have educated myself on the intricacies of narcissistic personalities; I think this is the most important endeavour of my ‘4[0-9]’ decade; I have to thank the Net for this, for sure not humans I met in person. Ha! Ha!

Understanding those mechanisms made me rethink and reevaluate a lot of episodes in my life, with the final result of lifting long–standing weights and reaching a new, healthier level of consciousness; I have mixed feelings about how I behaved in my decades of life:

• on one side: I did recognise that some relationships were toxic for me and I did step away from those people (quickly being labeled as antisocial by my always–compassionate fellow humans) (oh! no! I forgot that I am an alien!);
• on the other side: it was not until my 40s that I was able to really clarify ideas and motives in my head; a bit too late… mh?

This late–arising consciousness made my past self full of doubts and pain; which now turn into regrets and grudge. Is grudge healthier than emotional pain? Yes, it is. Life is hard.

This should be an embedded YouTube video, but for some reason this video is not available for embedding; so follow the link!